PART 5: HIS SISTER, THE MORGUE, AND MEETING THE DRIVER

Read my 1st entry here

Read Part 2 here

Read Part 3 here

Read Part 4 here

Chris’s sister arrives and I rush to her, look her in the eyes while she asks, “Where is Kuya?”  I couldn’t answer straight up, how?

My dad says, “Hindi mo pa pala alam, he’s dead.”

Chelyn did not move, her eyes filling up with tears.  We hugged and cried together.  And as if she was reading my mind she asked me, “Pano ko sasabihin kila Mama??”

I told her, “I don’t know.  But we need to be strong, we need to handle this, tayong dalawa ang inaasahan.”

She wanted a breather so Chelyn made a quick call to her husband.  Really, what to do??

We were helpless, but I lifted it all up to Him.

Since Chris’ sister was here, we can move his body to the funeral home.  But first, the police said I need to identify his body.

Mateo wanted to come.  I didn’t want him to see his dad like that.  But he insisted.

Off we walked to the morgue.  The police opened the door.

My son saw someone wrapped in a bloody white blanket.  He looked into my eyes and asked, “Who’s that??  Does daddy have a lot of booboos?  I don’t want, I’m scared.”

I said, ok go with Mamu (my mom), I’ll see you later.

Good thing he said yes.  I don’t want him to see his dad like that.  I didn’t want to see his dad like that.

So Chelyn and I were the ones left.  We asked each other, “Ready ka na?”

I said, “Saluhin mo ako ha pag hinimatay ako.”

She answered, “Sino sasalo sa akin?”

Ahhh, I had an idea, “Kuya (policeman), saluhin nyo kami ha?”

Then I requested, “Pwede po bang mukha lang ang ipakita ninyo, itago na lang ang injuries nya.  Chaka narinig ko po, may laceration sya sa ulo, pwede po takpan?”

The policeman agreed.  He called us after prepping Chris’ body.

In my mind, “Ok, this is it.  Lord, be with me.”

Chelyn and I entered the morgue, and there… I saw my husband’s lifeless body.  Still clear in my head until now.

I wanted to shout Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! But I just broke down in tears.

I heard the policeman say, “Ma’am may bulak sa ilong to stop bleeding.”

His eyes were closed, so pale, I can see blood.  I cried, “Asawa ko, anong ginawa sa ‘yo?”

My heart, my partner, the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.  Gone.

In my head, I took care of him!  His skin was so sensitive just a mere scratch will surely make a mark… then this!!!  I can just imagine what his body went through.

Anyone’s heart will surely break.  And I wish no one will ever experience that feeling.

The police covered his face.  Called the funeral staff to get the body.

Chelyn and I tried to stay calm.  We made it without fainting!

They placed Chris’ body in the ambulance/ transporter van.  We went in and rode with him.

I couldn’t imagine this was happening.  I turn my back and stare at his body, tears falling uncontrollably.  Is this true?  His lifeless body swaying as the van moved.

I wanted to hug him while he was strapped on a stretcher!  (looking back, I should’ve done it)

FUNERARIA PAZ

On the way to the funeral home, I prayed, I just bathed myself in God’s peace.  It was Him and me.

I needed to be ready for the days to come.  I needed his grace to be strong and face this huge trial with faith, hope and love.

We arrived La Funeraria Paz in no time.  I proceeded to the office where my mom was waiting and talking to the manager.

Now it was time to prepare for his funeral.

I remember entering this room full of coffins.  I was shopping for one.  Who would’ve thought.  I ask Chris, “What do you like?”

When I turned left I saw this silver coffin that looked really elegant.  That was it.

My mom took care of all other details.  I just gave my approval.  She was with me every step of the way.  Moms are the best!

I stepped out of the room and saw a guy staring at me, he approached me and asked, “Is it true?”

I assumed he was one of Chris’ friends or officemates.  I nodded.  Then he broke down into tears, “Kung alam n’yo lang kung gaano ako tinulungan ni TL.  He pushed me to get to where I am now.”

My heart just melted.  My husband was never a bragger.  He was very humble and did not talk about how much he has done for people.  He lets his actions speak for him.

For Chris, helping was a part of his life, not an unusual thing to do.  He had a caring and tender heart.  All these starting to unfold for the world to see.

I needed to let his best friend know.  So I called Noj who assured me he was coming asap. That was one of the hardest things I had to do.  He loved his friends and treated him like his brothers.

MEETING THE DRIVER

On the way to the precinct I was praying… hard!  I looked at my son and I hold back my tears.  He hasn’t realized how this day has changed his life forever.  And I like that he was okay.

But he was carefully watching my every move.  I realized how crucial my actions were.  How intentional I should be.  I need to model how, when confronted with grave trials, a follower of Jesus should respond.

So that when he grows up, he knows Who to run to.  And he will be fine.

As we drive closer to our destination, I just surrendered myself to God.  I was not angry.  No hate.  How is it possible?  But the Lord spared me.  His grace was overflowing!

Instead of bitterness, he replaced it with compassion.  I was praying for the driver and his family.  I was praying that they be comforted by Christ’s embrace through all these.  I know in their hearts they didn’t mean to kill someone.  Yes he was reckless… but I was just a sinner as him.

God impressed upon my heart to forgive.  No doubt I was gonna do that!

Mateo and I went down the car, my steps getting heavier.  When we entered the precinct, I saw the driver and his wife.  Crying so hard they said, “Sorry po!!!”  I walk to them my arms also stretched out, I hugged them and we bawled.

They won’t stop saying sorry.  I uttered, “I forgive you!”  They cried harder.

The driver was explaining to me how the incident happened but I didn’t need and want to hear that.  I stopped him and I just said, “Ok na po.  Pinapatawad ko na kayo.  Ayusin na natin para makauwi na kayo.”

The traffic policemen were shocked.  Even the detainees inside the tiny jail cell couldn’t believe their eyes.  God is amazing!

I wanted to make them feel God’s love through all these.

“How can we help?”  the couple asked me.  I said, “I want you to see Jesus in all these.  I forgive you because He has forgiven me—us.  Who am I not to!”

source: pinterest.com

After we have arranged the paper works for the driver’s release (and his car), it was time to go back to Paz.  On our way back I just felt so light and at peace.

I know Chris would’ve done the same.

A couple of years back, I remember the time when we were at the most trying time of our marriage.  I was the culprit as usual.  He told me he needed to leave, to make me think because he felt that I didn’t need him.  Of course not!  I needed him! My heart was a mess.  I was crying my heart out to him.  I said I was sooooo SORRY.  That I will do anything just so he can forgive me…  what do I need to do??

His answer, “Just hug me…”

I did.  We hugged and kissed like there was no tomorrow.  In the end, he asked me, “How can I improve?  What do I need to change?  For sure there is something.”

Can you believe him?  I was the bad one, but he felt he was the one who needs to change?  This guy, unbelievable.  How he has taught me humility, understanding, forgiveness and how to love truly.

From then on, my heart changed.  I wanted to be the best wife to my loving husband.  God also made a way so I can be closer to him through my Power of a Praying Wife group.  Really worked wonders.  Not only did I gain wonderful friends, I was made accountable for my actions while getting to know Jesus more and more!  What a blessing!