MY 1ST ENTRY: THE MORNING OF SEPTEMBER 23, 2015

The morning Chris died, we did not do unusual things.  We talked, I remember saying to him while he was still lying on the bed and hugging me while I was standing on the edge, “one day, papayat din ako.”  Then he smiled.

I said bye to him as I need to be early for work, it was our brand review presentation that day.  We kissed then I wiped my lips and joked, “Laway!”  He smiled and said, “Sorry!”

I said bye on my way down the stairs while he was preparing for work.

That was the last time I heard his voice, touched him and hugged him.

Driving to work has been therapeutic for me, I get to pray and talk to God every morning.  That day, I prayed that the Lord take over our business review presentation and allow the audience to really grasp what we wanted to say so we can develop great plans for next year.  Then the Lord impressed upon my heart to just offer everything to Him.  I said, “Lord, Your will be done.  Whatever you want to happen today, I surrender to You!”

THE CALL

While we were preparing for our meeting, I received a text asking me to call the hospital immediately.  That was 8:38 AM.  I knew there was something wrong and my heart couldn’t contain the fear.

“I can’t lose my husband! How about my son? He’s too young to lose his dad!”

My boss and my teammate were also shocked by the news.  I left my meeting and drove (yes drove alone) to San Juan de Dios Hospital.  I wanted to be in control of the wheel. I wanted to get there fast.  I wanted to have my time with God.

I felt like I was in auto pilot.  Mariz, you know the drill.  I felt the Lord’s hand guiding me, whispering to me, “I prepared you for this.”  (more on this later)

On my way, I prayed and cried out to God, “Lord!!!! All I have is You! Please oh God bless my husband.  Please please Lord, don’t take him away yet.  But if it is Your will, so be it.”

I knew in my heart I needed to trust God at this very moment and let His grace fill my heart with peace.  As what I prayed that morning, I surrendered everything to Him.  He is in control.  He is sovereign.

I said, “Lord, you allowed me to experience life with my husband.  Thank you!  If he is gone, then I give him back to you!!”

I was thinking of stuff like, what if he was in a coma/ brain dead, unresponsive, whatever, I just wanted to arrive in the hospital on time.  I prayed for traffic to be good to me.  I said, “Lord, show me the way.  Lead me.”  I got in the hospital from Alabang roughly 30mins, that was rush hour traffic.

I parked my car, ran to the ER and saw my mom losing herself, crying hysterically on the floor with nurses calming her down.  I saw her eyes, filled with tears, terrified.

I knew it.

But I was calm.  The Lord gave me peace—He was holding my hand, inside my heart.  Right before my eyes, I experienced His never failing GRACE.

image source www.familyfaithandfridays.com

Read Part 2