MY BUBBA IS TURNING 6

7 months after getting married, we found out we were 8 weeks pregnant.  Chris and I couldn’t believe that we will soon be parents!  How exciting!

It was an easy pregnancy.  No morning sickness, no bleeding, no gestational diabetes but a lot of weight gain (42lbs to be exact).  Excess fat still here with me until this day.  I’m exaggerating 🙂

We found out we were having a boy.  Of course, daddy Chris was so happy!  His mini-me!  When we had our 3D ultrasound, oh boy he looked like Chris!  I was obsessed staring at my husband’s lips before going to bed but I made sure I didn’t stare at his nose.  Hahahaha!  No use, my son got his dad’s nose.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂

EZX phone

EZX phone

May 28, 2010, my OB, Dra. Genuino, advised me to proceed to the OR as my amniotic fluid level was at its minimum.  This is really is it!  I was praying so hard as I was really nervous (first time to be on an IV and operated on).  Inside the operating room, Dra. told me Chris will be going inside to be with me.  I was surprised because he told me he couldn’t—he’d feel queasy when he sees blood.  But when he came in in the middle of the operation, I felt so at peace.  I was teasing him while my OB was slicing my tummy.  Chris was filming the entire time until we heard our son’s first cry.  At 3:05 PM, Mateo Jose M Luis was born.

Hearing his cry to the highest level made me thank God for a healthy baby!  I cried.  I asked Doctora to bring him to me so he can latch right away.

Our first family photo

I was wheeled inside my room after hours (shivering) in the recovery room.  I am really a mother!!!  I made it clear that I wanted to room in my baby as I want him to be purely breastfed.  Then he arrived… our baby boy 🙂

S/W Ver: 85.98.90R

Our lives completely changed that day.  Having a child is one heck of a challenge.  I’d always say, it’s the hardest job on earth but the most rewarding.  The usual sleepless nights, unli-latch (I tell you he drinks from me every 30 minutes, the rest, he was just latched on.  I was his human pacifier).  I was inside my room 24/7, cannot be away from my baby, with limited bathroom breaks and mabilisang ligo in the afternoon when baby’s asleep.  Mateo wasn’t an easy baby.  But it’s true, as soon as I see him smile everything seemed perfect. Whenever I smell his new baby scent… ahhhhhhh, I get giddy and couldn’t believe he is mine.  It’s all good in the hood.

Chris and I couldn’t imagine life without this baby!  Before sleeping, we’d tell each other, “He’s everything we prayed for and more!”

Growing up, we started to discover his personality.  And as the days passed, he looked more and more like his dad.  Ok, with a little bit of Danboy (my brother), like 5%.  But I tell you, his toes, his fingers, ears, everything!  All from his daddy.  Nakilagay lang yun sa akin e.  Chris always joked, “Papa-DNA ko ‘yan ha!”

Where did time go?  Mateo uttered his first word at around 7-8 months… BALL.  His second word, DADDY, third, no not mommy!  But UMBRELLA.  I tell you… I was jealous he loved the umbrella more than me, his unli “dede!”

We were so kilig seeing him grow up to be a smart boy.  He talked early and spoke in sentences even before he turned 2.  He started early so he had more time talk to his dad, again, everything happens for a reason.

He loves books!  We had story time every day and we were surprised how fast he’d memorize the lines of the book.  Our fave is “I Love You Forever” by Robert Munsch.

We saw how fast he was developing so we enrolled him in play school/ toddlers class in CLP.

Everyone knows Mateo loves anything superhero.  His top favorites are Batman and Spiderman.  There are days he’d fall asleep wearing his superhero costume.  He loved playing (fighting) with his dad.  Chris was very hands-on, they’d do arts and crafts, go biking or playground, gardening, cleaning the car, and lots more!  That’s why Mateo misses him terribly.  They were partners in crime 🙂

Night before his pre-school graduation, Mateo broke down.  He cried and told me, “I miss daddy!  Why did God get daddy?  All I want is a complete family, why?”

I stopped and tried to hold back my tears.  How heartbreaking to see my son like that.  If only I can carry all the pain in his heart.  But I can’t.  He has to go through this.  A 5-year-old boy’s heart shattered into pieces.  With questions in his head.  Why wouldn’t he ask?  How can a loving God takeaway his dad from him?

Now how to answer in a manner that he’ll understand.  I tried to find the words.  I was touched that his family is number one—not his toys or other stuff.  My son gets it.

I remember my past.  How the worldly things in life mattered so much to me (I’d be honest, this is still a constant struggle).  The day I surrendered my life to God, He transformed my heart and made me realize I shouldn’t be going crazy over material things!  Because these rot and fade away.

I pray to God every day to protect my heart from wanting more and cultivating my desire for these things.  It’s so hard!!  But it is possible.  I am a work in progress.

To answer my son’s questions, I used my life line—I called a Friend, “Jesus, help me!”

In an instant He reminded me of this verse (yes, I also remembered Gary V’s song):

After reading to him the verse I told him, “Anak, we need to put all our trust in our Lord who loves us sooooooo much you can’t even imagine!  We might not understand how things are going on now, but He has a plan and you know how great God’s plans are, they’re the best!  We will hold on to His promises because God never, ever breaks His promises.  You know our life is like an obstacle course and God wants us to finish strong.  This life that we have now, this is just a dot to the eternal life we are to live with Him!”

Did he get what I said???

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw Mateo shift from tearing up to smiling and laughing!  It was amazing 🙂  (thank you Friend! next time ulit ha)

I praise God for really touching my son’s young and innocent heart.

I added, “So you gotta choose, bubba.  A happy and good life loving Jesus or a sad boring bad life without him???”

He answered, “Of course life with Jesus!  We won’t even have legs or arms without him!”

HAHAHAHA!

We ended the night with a happy prayer.  Oh my son, if you just know how heartbroken mommy is bearing the pain of your heart ache.  Kaya ko e, but my sweet son…  to wake up suddenly without his dad.

That’s why my constant prayer is that Jesus fills Mateo’s heart with His love so that he will feel complete.  I cannot fill it up.  Only God can so I pray to Him, my only hope!

Mateo, words cannot express how much mommy loves you (and I start to tear up while writing this, love just overflows from me)!  The day you were born I understood so many things about life and about love.  The feeling of being wanted and needed by someone.  I thank God every day for giving me the chance to be a mom, your mom!  I know now why you look exactly like your dad—you are my remembrance 🙂

I know now why God gave me a son like you!  So I can be accountable to Him and realize how much He loves me!!!  My healing process wouldn’t be the same without you.  Of course, God will heal me but the journey to healing won’t be as “fun” without you in it.   You’re turning 6 in a week, my gulay, 6???

I pray that you will grow up to be a follower of Jesus.  That you will give and live your life for Him.  That you will get to know Him more and more each day.  That when you’re in a crossroad (I’m praying for that specific time in the future), you will choose the right path—God’s will, the good one.  Yes there will be potholes along the way, but our God is a just and merciful God.  He will walk by you and carry you when you cannot walk anymore.  As one of your favorite songs say, “Nothing compares to Your embrace!”  Run to Jesus sweetheart.  He will never fail you.

I know you want your daddy to be with you on your birthday.  He will be, in spirit.  He is proud of you, anak.

These past few days have been tough emotionally.  No one knows except me.  And I thought I was on a roll… I’m back to crying in the car while driving.  Humbling, really.  And I thank God for being present in my life.  I thank God because I need Him and I want Him in my life.  Nearing Mateo’s birthday celebration I just want to break down but the Lord pulls me up.  I can’t even blurt it out.  Ok here goes…

I am sad because we will celebrate without Chris.  To think about how much it hurts just makes me crazy.  I want him here, I want to remember how it feels to have him here.  And this is forever.

Ok, the end.  How many I’s did I say?  Mariz life is not all about you.  But despite all of these, every time I cry, I know Jesus is beside me, hugging me.  He allows me to cry, to feel pain and sadness.   I am reminded of how much Jesus loves me, a sinner at that, He fills my love tank to the brim!!!

After all the tears, and this always happens, He lifts my spirit like my heart is ready to fight again. I love Him more after crying!!!   I will hold on and I wouldn’t want it any other way.  THE ONLY WAY 🙂

1 Peter 1:7 (NLT)

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.

So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

Source:  BIBLE VERSE PHOTOS FROM http://www.pinterest.com

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