After a year

Where have I been?  My blog project has definitely taken a back seat.  Here I am pushing myself to post something after a year of not doing so.  Kakahiya naman 🙂

I’ve so much on my head, but no output.  So sorry dear blog!  You’ve been forgotten and neglected.  Need to get my groove back.

Being a single working momma is no joke. But there shouldn’t be an excuse not to update and write something.  Ok, I will improve.

I’ve been praying about this blog and its direction.  My goals and vision for it.  More of HIM, less of me.  Will not stop praying about it, but will start to make some progress.

Here we go.

HELLO!

Neglected! I’m so sorry blog! It’s been a while and I owe you a lot of updates!

Be back asap!!! I MISS YOU!!

MY BUBBA IS TURNING 6

7 months after getting married, we found out we were 8 weeks pregnant.  Chris and I couldn’t believe that we will soon be parents!  How exciting!

It was an easy pregnancy.  No morning sickness, no bleeding, no gestational diabetes but a lot of weight gain (42lbs to be exact).  Excess fat still here with me until this day.  I’m exaggerating 🙂

We found out we were having a boy.  Of course, daddy Chris was so happy!  His mini-me!  When we had our 3D ultrasound, oh boy he looked like Chris!  I was obsessed staring at my husband’s lips before going to bed but I made sure I didn’t stare at his nose.  Hahahaha!  No use, my son got his dad’s nose.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂

EZX phone

EZX phone

May 28, 2010, my OB, Dra. Genuino, advised me to proceed to the OR as my amniotic fluid level was at its minimum.  This is really is it!  I was praying so hard as I was really nervous (first time to be on an IV and operated on).  Inside the operating room, Dra. told me Chris will be going inside to be with me.  I was surprised because he told me he couldn’t—he’d feel queasy when he sees blood.  But when he came in in the middle of the operation, I felt so at peace.  I was teasing him while my OB was slicing my tummy.  Chris was filming the entire time until we heard our son’s first cry.  At 3:05 PM, Mateo Jose M Luis was born.

GOING HOME, THE DAY AFTER, AND ALDUB

Imagine, your husband buried under the ground.  You, going home.  I wanted to cry as I was walking towards my dad’s car.  I’m leaving him alone, there, underneath the ground.  Do I really need to?

I don’t want to be away from him!!!  He’s going to sleep there, alone!  Without me and Mateo bugging him.  No family tickle and family hug before sleeping.  No kiss goodnight from him or holding hands while Mateo was sleeping in between.  But it’s not him anymore, Mar, just his body… lifeless, without a soul.  Like an empty shell.

But I love that empty shell!!!

THE BURIAL

The night before the burial, as I lay on the bed I was sleeping on for x days, I thought to myself, this will be the last night I’m going to “see” Chris.  No more “body” to look at, because I’d admit, being able to see him (albeit in a coffin) gives me the feeling of comfort—he is not (yet) completely gone.   So tomorrow will be bye bye time.  I WILL MISS HIM!

When I woke up I hoped it was all a bad dream.  But the moment I realized I wasn’t beside my husband, yes, it wasn’t a dream.  I didn’t want to stand up yet.  Today is the day.

I prayed, “Lord, this is it.  I offer you everything that will happen today.  My joys, sufferings, pains, and most of all, my husband.  Help me endure this day.  I need you most.”

I stood up and got ready.  There were a lot of people already outside.  They were wearing superhero shirts for Mateo 🙂 With my woke-up-like-this look, I said good morning to Chris’s body and I smiled at him.  I whispered, “I miss you!  Are you ready?”

LEARNING FROM LOGAN, THE SKY ANGEL COWBOY

The death of a loved one may bring about questions like why? why him/her? why now?
When my sister sent me this link, it made me realize, yeah, WHY NOT?

 

It gave me comfort, yes!!! Of course, God understands! He knows how it’s like to lose someone… when He gave us His ONLY SON to die for our sins!  Not His sins, but OUR sins!!! And Jesus did not die in an instant… He suffered so much and died on the cross.  Again, for whom?  FOR YOU, ME for everyone because of His great love.  The physical pain was not close to the pain of being away from His Father…

Who could better relate to my pain of losing my partner, my husband than God?  The God who loves me perfectly… imagine that!  Who loves Chris more than me.  Who loves me more than I do myself!

So that’s what I did.  I ran to Him!  And He has embraced me and walked with me through this journey.

Here’s God’s invitation for you 🙂

SOURCE:  holleygerth.com

 

GRATEFUL (THE WAKE PART 3)

CHRIS’S WAKE PART 1, PART 2

Chris’s Teletech/ Telstra officemates reached out to me.  They were planning to hold a mass for him and a salo-salo after.  That night I couldn’t believe how many people came to pay respects to Chris!!! I went outside and was surprised to see the entire floor was jam packed!  I wanted to cry really but I was too busy saying thank you to everyone I didn’t have time to… it was like I was in a club except there was no alcohol, just coffee and juice 🙂

 

BLESSED (THE WAKE PART 2)

CHRIS’S WAKE PART 1 HERE

Back to the wake, I cannot express how thankful I am for all who took the time to comfort us and extend their condolences.  I get lots of messages via FB and text everyday telling me how sorry they were, how inspired they were and how much they love me and my son!  All of them praying for me!!! My family and friends abroad reaching out during those days.  I tried my best to answer each one before I slept.  To let them know that I appreciate the concern and prayers.

LOVED (Chris’s Wake Part 1)

Read POST 1, POST 2, POST 3, POST 4, POST 5, POST 6

No time to sleep now, I need to take a bath and prepare before visitors arrive.  I look at myself in the mirror after my bath, I looked tired, I started to talk to Chris, “Will you be with me through all these?  Come on hold my hand.”  I reached out my left hand, I waited for his touch… waiting… waiting… none!  Ok fine, what was I thinking?  Am I losing my mind?  I heard I had visitors already so I went out and put on clothes.  Of course I had to put on make-up as well.  I didn’t want to look kawawa.  My husband wouldn’t want that.  After fixing myself, in my mind, “ok let’s do this!  Fight!”

THANK YOU!!!

Before I post the next entry, first and foremost, I want to thank each one of you who read my blog!!! So ecstatic that it was able to reach a lot of people! It is such a joy and a privilege to serve God and be an instrument of His love.

THANK YOU for your prayers and well wishes.  Indeed, God is so amazing!  He surprises me with unexpected blessings that I do not deserve.